A Glitch in the Matrix

I made a sort of unusual stop outside of Cincinnati today, at the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky.

The Creation Museum is a Museum that seeks to promote "God's Word" and scientifically prove that the events of the Bible are actual, hard fact and all actually happened. Which is kind of hard to do when they...well, didn't.

Now, I have to walk a very fine line in writing this. I really hope not to offend anyone, but with the opinions that I'm about to spew, that probably isn't a likely outcome. I totally and completely respect everyone's right to believe what they do, and there is nothing in this that I can say that will convince someone of such strong faith otherwise. All I ask is that I am allowed my right to disagree and point out why I disagree.

Now that that's out of the way, the Creation Museum is fucking nuts. The museum is born out of a belief in Young Earth Creationism and a group called "Answers in Genesis," which tries to scientifically prove that the Bible is fact. The museum's goal is  to "exalt Jesus Christ as Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer," to "equip Christians to better evangelize the lost," and to "challenge visitors to receive Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord." I had heard about this place in the evil secular media, and simply had to see it for myself. There are millions of Americans who actually believe in this stuff, and the really, really scary thing is that they vote. There simply had to be a convincing and reasonable argument here for so many people to believe in it, and I was determined to find it.

It costs $23 for admission to the Museum. Because God loves you, but he needs money. He always needs money. There's also a planetarium for an additional fee, but I didn't bother. It's probably just a ceiling painted with white clouds.

You first enter into an exhibit that explains how the mainstream scientific community has it so wrong. Their assumptions don't take into account God's word. It actively endorses the rejection of what is taught in science classrooms, because public schools are secular, and Christians are so persecuted that there is no room for the Bible in schools. Everything you are taught in geology, biology, chemistry,  astronomy, all of it is wrong because it doesn't start from the Bible. Hey, California State University, I want my tuition back!

You are then introduced to life-size figures of Moses, Jesus, and other figures that I don't know because I never cared. One woman could not believe "how different Moses looked than what I imagined," as if the wax figure of Moses at the Creation Museum were the definitive interpretation of how Moses looked. I began to see how so many people believe this stuff.

You then travel back in time, to 6000 years ago, and see the story of Genesis unfold before your very eyes. You are introduced to Adam, and watch as he names all of the animals. ALL of the animals. With names like "anteater," and "bee," you could tell that there were good days and bad days with this job. Oh, and there were Stegosauruses in the Garden of Eden. Fact. It is explained how the World was perfect. No poisons, weeds, or thorns. Thorns are a key part of the evidence of the Young Earth Movement. Mainstream science has claimed to find fossils of plants with thorns from millions of years ago, but that's impossible because the Bible clearly states that there were no thorns before 6,000 years ago. Shot down, science.

We then see as Eve is introduced and things get awkwardly sexual for a place so hell-bent on promoting family values. There's the next scene, where of course the serpent tempts Eve, and she and Adam eat the forbidden fruit. The room suddenly goes dark and flashes of lightning appear as "the world's not safe anymore." We see images of pregnant teenagers, wolves eating their prey, and black children. It's like that scene in Snow White's Scary Adventures at Disneyland after she eats the apple, except with Bristol Palin instead of the witch.

It made me wonder why, after he created such a "good" and "perfect" world, God didn't invest anything into maintenance and oversight, and left an obviously incompetent Adam in charge. It's like if Six Flags built Earth.

After sin, all of the world's problems are presented, including weeds. Fucking Adam. We see as Adam and Eve raise children in a World not as great as Eden. Brothers and sisters are forced to reproduce together for the sake of the population, but the museum explains that it was OK because those were the times. We're all related, you see, and all are decsendant from Adam, so even today we're all kind of incestual. But don't have sex with your cousin today, that's wrong. Thanks for the clear message, church.

After God gets fed up with the World after Adam, he says "fuck it" and starts over by wiping out his "perfect" creation with a flood. Luckily he warned Noah, who built the Ark and saved two of every animal, including dinosaurs. We get to see a replica room on the Ark, and it was big. After the flood, dinosaurs somehow became extinct while everything else lived on (this isn't explained very well). The flood is also responsible for all of the geographic features on Earth, because all the water made the ground so soft that things like the Grand Canyon were able to form.

It is explained that most dinosaur fossils are the unlucky ones who didn't get a ride on the ark, and the flood buried them in the sedimentary rock. It is explained that the Bible does not mention dinosaurs because the word was not invented until 1841."Behemoths" are mentioned in the Bible, so this must be what dinosaurs were called by God's word. Simple divine misunderstanding. Also, there is evidence of dinosaurs existing after the flood, because of all of the stories about dragons from medieval times. This means that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is real too, because nobody would just make up stories for entertainment value.

There is so much more to go after, but my head is starting to hurt. The museum simply mocks itself with shoddy logic and kind of lame exhibits, and it really isn't even that much fun of a place to be. It is very obviously trying to appeal to kids to influence their mind before evil secularists do, but I can't see kids having very much fun here. You have more fun and probably learn more scientific fact by riding the Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studios.

I really, really wish I were making most of this up for hyperbolic or comedic value, but 90% of it is absolutely true, and their actual argument. (I threw in the Rudolph thing. Oh, and God probably didn't actually say "fuck it.")

I once heard a "conservative christian" comedian on XM (can't remember his name, because he wasn't very funny) who argued that there are two groups of people that can be unfairly mocked in this country and nobody cares: Christians and Southerners. While I agree to some extent that there is sometimes some unfair targeting of these groups, I argue that it is fair to make fun of these people, because they choose to believe in fairy tales and attend NASCAR races. You can't make fun of a person with down syndrome, because that person never chose to have down syndrome. These people, however, have made a conscious decision to believe in the Bible and to try and convince me and the rest of the World that everything that I have been taught and believe is wrong. Fair game.

I chose to attend the Creation Museum and to hear the argument against my beliefs. I tried to be fair, and I was very respectful of the Museum while I was there, even though I had the incredible urge to ask the woman in the bookstore if they sold any non-fiction. The argument did not sway me.

The thing that upset me the most was the exhibit that explains "you are the way you are because it is God's will." What a depressing way to view life, being told that you can not be any better than you are because of God.

Again, If you honestly, truly believe in this stuff, then there is nothing that I can do to change your world view. I respect that, but am very concerned about the majority of this country's population that actually believes this.

I consider myself an agnostic, leaning atheist. I don't have the answers, and don't believe that anyone can ever be too sure of any answer. It is simply so narrow-minded to believe that any one answer is truth. What concerns me about a place such as this, is that it is so certain of itself, and doesn't acknowledge any other possible reasoning behind life.