The Great White South

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

- Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution

So with a few hours to spare before the Tigers game tonight in Detroit, I decided to take this thing international and take the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel into Canada. This is actually a pretty cool way to enter Canada, as it is the only place in the non-Palin United States (I believe) where you actually have to drive SOUTH in order to get INTO Canada.

At the Canadian border checkpoint, the Mountie examined my passport and asked what I was doing all the way from California. I explained about my trip, admonished him for not being properly dressed in the red suit and hat, and was let into Canada. Free healthcare and all.

Just across the street from the border checkpoint was a Tim Horton's, where I planted the road trip's flag. After stimulating Canada's economy with the purchase of a donut and a Pepsi, I immediately turned around and headed back for the amber waves of grain and purple mountains majesty.
However, on the other side of the Detroit river, the story about my road trip was not good enough for the United States Department of State.

I was "randomly selected" (HA!) for further screening. I respectfully asked if there was a problem and if I was suspected of a crime, something that EVERY AMERICAN CITIZEN HAS THE GUARANTEED RIGHT TO ASK WHEN BEING SEARCHED BY A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

I was given a standard reply of "every person entering the United States is subjected to a search." Which isn't good enough. At least, it shouldn't be.

However, being the son of a law officer, and understanding that this is a post-9/11 world (so f'ing tired of that phrase, by the way) I knew that challenging simply wouldn't help anything.

I had absolutely nothing to hide, and figured that it would take 10 minutes, tops, to search my car. I mean, these guys should have pretty standard places to look for drugs and bombs by now, right?
I handed over the keys to my car and surrendered all electronics, as asked. Good thing I never installed that "car bomb detonator" app to my iPhone.

Inside, I was again interrogated about my trip. I was forced to explain how I could afford such a trip, and my work situation. The customs agent looked flabbergasted that I could get so much time off from work at the "height of the theme park season," and challenged my assertion that I was at Wrigley Field yesterday, because they "tore that place down." I really, really hope he was testing me, because it was becoming painfully obvious that the people in charge of allowing tourists into our country's economy don't know a fucking thing about tourism.

I was then asked to wait, and watched through the window as agents scoured my car, undoubtedly looking for weed. Now, I have never, ever touched (or even really seen) the stuff. But, to their credit, my appearance, and car's appearance, and the fact that I was in Canada for less than 20 minutes probably didn't look too good on my part. It just made me think though, about how far out of whack our societies' priorities are when we waste so many resources looking for weed.

After the agents were done, they brought out a dog, just to be absolutely sure that I wasn't planning to suicide bomb Detroit. I watched as the chocolate labrador jumped up and down and around and in and about the inside of my car, finding nothing. I remembered that there was some beef jerky on the front seat that I had been chewing on on the drive from Chicago. I couldn't help but think of how funny it would have been if he were to become distracted by the jerky.

After about 45 minutes of unwarranted search and seizure, I was finally told that I was "free to go" and was handed back my keys. I made sure that I had the keys in my hand before I let out "I just hope he didn't find the jerky," and left on my way to the Tiger game. The agent did not look pleased.

Again, I understand the reasoning behind such a search, and that it is for my protection, and that we can not be too careful in these times. But as a law-abiding United States citizen with absolutely nothing to hide, the whole process was incredibly frustrating, and I couldn't help but think that I was selected just because my situation was somewhat unusual, which is profiling. There are guarantees against this kind of stuff in our most basic and fundamental rights as outlined by the Bill of Rights. In exchange for security, we Americans have forfeited a pretty heavy chunk of our liberty, which is incredibly dangerous to our way of life. In fact, I really don't even mind being searched, but I would at least like a reason why. What probable cause did I present that made the United States feel like I was a threat? This I will never know, and that, my fellow Americans, is wrong.

Sorry for the libertarian rant, but this is my blog and I can do what I want. Now excuse me while I e-mail this post to Secretary of State Clinton's office.